A little bit of Light Comedy
by TaleForge
Summary: It's video game parody meets sketch comedy in a delicious blend that can only be described as Kooky... and slightly cornyNow approaching our twentieth chapter!
1. He doesn't talk much

**Light Comedy**

_Disguised as a Smash Bros. melee game_

Link calmly strolled down the stone path of the dilapidated temple. The world was at peace, again. The princess was saved, yet _again_. Ganondorf (The man with more lives than a cat!) was defeated…. _AGAIN!_ And it looked like he finally got a break before Zelda got herself kidnapped again, starting another long and arduous quest involving defeating several unexplained bosses, collecting all his favorite weapons for the umpteenth time, spending days trying to figure out how the hell hit a switch on the other side of the room to start the moving platforms over giant abysses that seemingly have no…

Before he could think on this matter further, (And before he went nuts at the concept of yet another sequel) He was suddenly aware of someone behind him. He whipped around and saw… the most unusual person. He was about half as tall as he was, though he looked much older. He wore clothes even weirder than Tingle's; overalls, red shirt, gloves, and a monogrammed red cap.

Navi, Link's personal fairy assistant, (whose job appears to be little more than pointing out the obvious. "Hey! That's a rock! You can stand on it!") fluttered forward. "Who are you?" she asked.

The red-clad stranger answered quite simply for a character in a LOZ game: "It's-a-me, Mario!"

"Ooooooooo….kay." Navi replied, already deciding that this guys was nuts. "I'm Navi, and this is my friend Link." A long silence ensued, as the man named Mario waited for Link to answer. "He doesn't talk much." Navi explained after a few minutes. Mario gave a silent "Ah," and nodded. "Sooooooo…" Navi began, "Can…we…help you?"

Mario vigorously nodded, and then promptly moved to a battle stance. "What? You wanna fight us?" After Mario nodded with the same vigor, she had to ask, "Why?" Mario simply shrugged his shoulders. "Link, this guy is nuts, we should probably-hm?" Link drew his sword and charged. He chopped straight down for Mario.

Mario, at that same moment, swung his fist for Link. The sword and fist met in air, and then separated. Strangely enough, neither was hurt. This surprised Link most of all; He had expected the sword to cut the assailant's arm. He came in again, slashing low, and Mario jumped. In air, the diminutive warrior brought back his hand and snapped it forward, sending a fireball spewing towards Link. The Hyrulian knight back stepped, watching the fire bounce off the ground, and ducked. The fireball bounded over his head and bounced away.

Link and Mario both ran for each other at the same time, but at that moment the sky blackened. The fighters broke off and leapt aside before the object finally hit the ground. They both stared at it with disbelief and Navi, not expectedly, was the first one to speak.

"Is-is that a crate?"

_To be continued._

Is it good? I hope it is. Disclaimers and stuff: I do not own Nintendo, HAL, or any of the companies that brought you this game, but it'd be sweet if I did.

Please leave reviews, and be frank.


	2. Mario and Links encounter with the crate

Mario and Link stared at the crate in front of them.

"I think…" Navi pointed out, "I think it came from the sky!"

"Whoa!" Mario exclaimed, and then took a step closer. He carefully touched the crate, then recoiled instantly. He looked up from his flinching position, and, suddenly emboldened, touched it again. "Ha ha!" he began poking it repeatedly, apparently enjoying himself.

Navi stared at the dim-witted plumber. "I think someone has had just a little too much Lon-Lon Milk." She turned to Link, "Maybe we should see what's in there, that and stop that annoying poking!"

"Yyyyippee!"

Link grunted his approval and gave the crate a hard slash. Much to everyone's surprise, the crate was completely undamaged; there was no sign it was even touched.

Mario had leapt out of the way of the maniac with the sword. "Mama Mia!" he remarked simply, and maybe would've said more, but something off screen caught his attention and he meandered off to it.

Link pulled out his bow and tried to focus the magic into an arrow, but nothing happened.

"Link?" Navi asked, "Can't you use Fire Arrows? That sucks. Well why don't you just put that back in your quiver and…" she fluttered to the side as the arrow streaked past her, "Apparently you can't do that either. Did you damage the… no? Drat!" Link, at this point, was quite angry. He reached behind him and pulled out his bombs and began chucking them at the crate as fast as he could. The frenzied explosions still weren't making a dent in them. Link put his hands on his thighs and tried to catch his breath.

Mario leapt back to the mysterious crate, let out another "Ha ha!" and held out a finger to poke the crate again. The very instant his finger touched the wood, the crate splintered and exploded. Mario looked at where the crate was with a shocked expression, tears welling in his eyes.

Navi looked at the thing on the ground, a strange wind up toy that looked like a small bowling ball with eyes and feet. "What the heck is that," Navi asked, "And why was that the only thing in this stupid crate."

Mario's face instantly went pale at the sight of the object, and he suddenly leapt away. "What's his problem?" Navi put her little hands on her fairy hips, "It looks just like a little toy." As if in reaction to her words, the little wind-up stood and began marching back and forth. "Cool! Look at it move! Look, it's coming back, oh that's so awesome. Why is it flashing now? Has that fuse always been there?" Her face instantly darkened, "Link, get the heck away!"

Link leapt to the side just as the strange toy literally exploded. Mario showed up at last, trying as hard as he could to suppress a giggle. Link just about lost it. He reached into his pack and flung his boomerang. The unsuspecting Mario took it right between the eyes and fell on his back. Before he could recover from his stunning, something fell from the sky and landed on his face. He grabbed it and stood up. It was… a fan. A simple, paper, handheld fan. He stared at it for the longest time, and then offered his counter part the most evil smirk he could manage.

Link tried to take a step back, but it was just too late. With all the speed and strength of a demonic cheetah, Mario descended upon him and began mercilessly slapping him with the fan.

"Yeah! Ha Ha Ha!" he cheered as he continued his mad assault.

"Ummm…" Navi fluttered to Mario and tapped him on the shoulder, "What exactly _are _you on?"

Without saying a word, and while still attacking, Mario pulled from his overalls a mushroom with a face on it, and to Navi's surprise gulped it down in one bite.

"YYYYYYIPPPPEEEEEEE!"

_To be continued, sadly, after a brief interlude to another battle scene._

**Will probably not happen next time on A Little Bit of Light Comedy:**

Captain Falcon practiced his moves, his annoyingly long-to-execute punch, his odd series of kicks, his very cheap endless-punch-combo, and all the other moves I won't go into detail about 'cause Falcon's a weird character who only appeared in a racing game and there fore shouldn't have this incredible fighting skills. (You never hear of NASCAR racers in the WWE!)

"I feel great today!" he yelled out, not sure who was listening, "I feel like arbitrarily kicking the ass of some random fighter I'd never fight under normal circumstances 'cause I live in a racing game where Kung-Fu fighting doesn't happen." He put his hands around his mouth and shouted, "Anyone who wants to fight come on out! I'll fight the next person that comes around! Anyone? Anyone!"

In answer to his challenge, a creature rolled around the corner. He was a weird squat dinosaur, who had giant eyes, a short tail, wearing red boots and a saddle. The creature jumped up and down, flailing his arms and crying "Guapo!"

Captain Falcon stared at the monster with jaw to the floor… "What… the Fu-"

_Not to happen Next Time on A Little Bit of Light Comedy!_


	3. A story with a moral

Hi there, me again. Just wanted to remind you that this is and interlude from the current battle. Whether I'll return to the epic battle of Mario vs. Link, even I the author can't say.

**Interlude: A story with a moral**

"Save me! Please!"

Princess Peach stood still as stone on the wooden balcony, afraid to move and agitate her captor. Her kidnapper was, surprisingly, not Bowser, but rather a large gorilla with a monogrammed tie.

"Mario, Please save me!" she called. In an instant, a mysterious figure leapt from the shadows, who turned out to be none other than… not Mario…

"Luigi? What are you doing here? Where's Mario?"

Luigi adjusted his cap, "He is in the middle of a disagreement with a strange elf kid over a crate or something like that. Stop giving me that look! I may be his freaking brother, but I'm not responsible for where he is."

The gorilla gave a few hoots to show he was still there. "All right you stupid little monkey." Luigi taunted, "In the name of all that is good, collectible, and able to be jumped on, I will save the princess from your grasp, foul chimp!" Luigi darted, climbing the ladders to the princess. The gorilla grabbed the nearby barrels, chucking them down the platforms which seemed to be strategically designed to make the barrels roll all the way down. Luigi leapt these barrels with grace and dexterity. "Ho! Ha-ha! Your mother was a lemur!" And as the fireballs materialized into view… Wait a minute! Stop. Stop the scene! Monkey, stop throwing those barrels! Stop! What is this, Déjà vu corner? What is this? Monkeys throwing barrels, princesses in danger, slightly effeminate plumbers coming to the rescue…

"Hey!"

I am not continuing with this scene any further! This is madness, I write decent, well thought out stories, not cheap parodies of crummy video games from the 1980's!

"Who the hell are you? You've got a lot of nerve coming in here and complaining about this story."

You are the one who'd better be careful. I'm the freakin' Narrator! With a few words I can make you endure so much in the way of pain.

"Oh yeah? Prove it!"

You asked for it Fabio! As though punched by a giant god's hand, Luigi was suddenly hit with a great force and sent spiraling onto the horizon like so many Team Rocket exits.

"What? I-Whaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" (Ding)

Now you , monkey, stop tossing the barrels. Stop! Argh! (Clears throat) suddenly thousands of Bom-obs fell from the sky, exploding instantly around the gorilla and sending him flying as well.

(Explosions, Monkey sounds) (Ding)

"Well what about me?" (Peach, for those of you who forgot she was there) "This scene is horrible. Mario didn't save me, the bad guy disappeared, my feet hurt from standing here… (General nagging and complaining)

(Unseen, the Narrator is rubbing his temples) And the princess was flicked away, as if by a giant god's pinky, to appear in a later scene. (Probably the next)

"Aieeeeeeee!" (Ding)

_The moral of the story, if you'll pardon my French, is this: The Narrator… Pwns you all, bitches!_

_Join us again next time, when hopefully the story will be more interesting._


	4. A meeting of royal pains

Princess Zelda calmly strolled down the worn path. She was just saved once again from the clutches of the demonic-wizard-slash-stalker Ganondorf, and she knew she had to be careful or else she would be kidnapped again, causing his brave-knight-slash-boyfriend-slash-taciturn adventurer to go on yet another quest where he'll have to fight numerous unexplained bosses, collect his favorite weapons for the umpteenth time, spend days trying to figure out…

Before she could think this over further (thus completely recycling the joke used in Chapter one) her thoughts were interrupted because someone crashed into her, sending both of them sprawling to the ground.

"Hey watch where you're going! Who the hell are you?"

Princess Peach rose and dusted herself off, quite angry with the lady in front of her. "Don't yell at me like that. I'm royalty, you…"

"Really?" Zelda interrupted, "Me too! Did you just come from being rescued?"

"Yeah! I was just being held by a big ugly monster!"

"Me too!"

They spoke together for a little while, and eventually became fast friends. However, stories like this are usually quite boring. You guys didn't want to read a fanfic about SSBM to hear about princesses forging friendships and stuff like that. So now they're going to fight, but rest assured there still friends about it. (If you intend to argue about it, please refer to Interlude One Por Favor.)

Peach opened up with the first move, reaching into the ground and puling up… a turnip. A turnip with a face on it.

Zelda raised an eyebrow, "What are you going to do with a smiling turnip?"

Peach looked at it, shrugged, and tossed the turnip at Zelda. It hit, bounced lightly off, and then disappeared for no apparent reason. Zelda tried to suppress a giggle, then began her attack, sending Din's fire speeding for her opponent.

Peach yelped, and then pulled a small mushroom man from out of nowhere and holding it in front of her. The poor midget took the blast square in the face, and Zelda stared at her stunned. "You just used a midget as a human shield!" she demanded.

"Yeah I did, so what?" Peach responded, as if it wasn't that big of a deal.

"So What? That poor fungus head just got seriously hurt because of you! What kinda tactic is that?"

"The kind that works; see, I'm not even dirty from that attack."

"True, true." Zelda at least had to admit that point to her, "I think it's time I got serious with you. Time to show you my true power." Power coursed through her as she began to transform into the Sheik.

"That's it?" Peach asked when Zelda was finally done, "That's your power? You can become butch?"

Zelda/Sheik said nothing. He (She? Sheik's a Girl!) leapt into the air and gave the unsuspecting Mushroom Princess a solid kick in the head. Before Peach had a chance to recover, Sheik gave her two solid kicks, which sent the victim flying for parts unknown. "I think I may have overdone it." She remarked, about to turn away, but then she saw, on the horizon, Peach, floating on air back to solid ground.

"That," Sheik complained, "is so friggin cheap!"

_To be continued._


	5. A random commercial

Introducing… Super Smash Brother Paper towels! The strongest paper towels around! Can it stand up to a megalomaniacal turtle's unexplained fire breath power?

(Mario holds a piece of the paper towels in front of Bowser, who breathes fire. The towel did nothing to halt the flames and Mario gets barbecued.)

No, it can not. Can it withstand a missile barrage?

(The burned Mario grabs another paper towel just as Samus fired off one of her missiles. It ducked under the cleaning product and exploded in the hapless plumber's face.)

Obviously it can't. How about a senseless younger brother hurtling through the air propelled by an angry narrator's punch?

(Mario looks to the narrator confused, and suddenly Luigi comes flying head first into him, sending him hurtling away.)

"Ow!" Luigi moaned, "I can't believe this guy. Just you wait, I know a guy, who knows a guy, who knows a narrator who'll write this guy up bad."

Yes, quite, and lastly, can it stand up to the wrath of a narrator who is becoming quite annoyed with this plumber and his tendency to spoof things.

"Hey look, paper towels! Ahhhhhhh!" (Ding)

Not quite. So buy Super Smash Brother Paper towels today. They are not very effective as a shield, but darn it if they can't clean up.

_Person sitting next to Narrator: What was the point of all this?_

Narrator: Nothing really, I just wanted to mess around with those two halfwit plumbers.

_Okay, Bowser, get off the keyboard._

Awwwwww….

(In British accent) And now for something completely different.

Kirby looked over the weird scene before him. He was outside, in grassland that always seemed to be sunny. He had just navigated through a horde of monsters that were defeated simply by him jumping on them, a cast varying from demented winged turtles, walking mushrooms with faces on them, football players that had nothing better to do than run back and forth all the time, and other curious creatures. There was food here, in the form of faced mushrooms hiding in solid blocks of stone that floated on nothing. In order to get to it, he was forced to crash his head on the rocks, which was quite painful.

He managed to make it into the castle, (Yes, this crazy place had a castle.) which seemed to consist of one room followed by a pit of lava. The lava room, of course, contained some big monster.

Kirby leapt over the turtle…dragon…porcupine…cucumber thing and turned to face him, but when he spun around, the monster was already in the lava, and the platform had disappeared. _That was a rip-off._ He thought as he plodded into the next room.

"Thank you weird pink fluffy thing," The mushroom-headed midget said for the umpteenth time, "But our princess is in another castle."

Kirby swallowed the annoying Mushroom Kingdom vassal, thinking _What was Miyamoto on when he made this game?_


	6. The Amourous Young Fox

Fox waited on the deck of the Arwing. He regarded the young lady standing in front of him. "Are you going to say something, Miss Zelda?" he asked.

Zelda blushed slightly, "Oh, right. Well you see, I need your help. I'm worried Ganondorf may come back to kidnap me for the millionth time. I need extra protection from him; he's crazy and he's a bad dancer. Have you seen him? Just float in the air, throw ball, get hit with ball, float in air…"

"All right, all right, I get it!" Fox interrupted, "We'll do whatever we can to help you." He hesitated, "Can-can I ask you something?"

"What is it?" she asked

"What…" he stopped, as if what he was saying wasn't easy, "What do… do you see in that warrior?"

"What?" she blushed further,

"I mean, all he does is scream, and I think he's more interested in that little fairy than you."

"Navi?" Zelda laughed, "She's a fairy, and about one-fiftieth his size."

"Trust me, there's something questionable going on between those two. I just hope he don't crush her when…" By now Zelda was beet red, and he went back on topic, "Come on, forget that fairy boy, I got my own freaking ship, with an arsenal and a crew, what does he got? A bow and a flute. Come on baby." He stepped closer.

Zelda took a step back, "I'm sorry," she said with all sincerity, "But I cannot date outside my specie…"

"Aw come on!" He interrupted, "Now you gotta dig into that tired old line?"

"Well, technically you are a different…" she trailed off, then began to get angry, "Forget this, I don't need your help from that maniac!"

"Wait," Fox pleaded, "Look, I'm sorry about that. I'll help, it's just that…" in a span of seconds, Fox ran to the princess, got up on his toes and planted a long kiss on the thoroughly surprised Zelda, breaking off only when his legs began hurting from the strain.

Long minutes stretched on, and neither one spoke. Recovering from her initial shock, her surprise slowly turned to rage. "Fox…McCloud." She said simply, hands balling into fists.

Fox took a step back, "You're going to hurt me now, aren't you?" Zelda tightened the glove on her hand and nodded slowly, then let her anger go and rushed him.

"No, no, not the face! Aaaaaahhhhh!"


	7. Two skits for the price of none!

The two swordsmen had finally made it to a most unusual location.

"Well, Roy, my comrade-in-arms…" The blue haired man drawled, "…it appears that our adventure is nigh to the conclusion."

Roy gave the sincerest look of confusion,

"The fighting is almost over?" Marth offered.

"Ooooooooohhhhh…" Roy nodded his head, "Why do you, like, gotta use all them big words, man?" Marth was quite sure his sigh could be heard all the way across the world, "Wait dude!" Roy yelled out suddenly, "Did you just say the fightin's like, over? What a buzzkill, dude."

"Don't worry, dear misguided friend." Marth placated, "Why I'm sure we'll appear in a sequel as two slightly different in appearance and attitude, but still grossly similar characters in the future. I just hope I don't end up an idiot with an axe."

"Well, I hope I get to keep the sword!" He pulled his blade out, swiping at imaginary enemies that seemed to manifest themselves dangerously close to his friends head. "Awww… dude, you don't look so good. What happened to your hair, man?"

(We apologize, please stand by while our favorite blue-haired swordsman (Like they run rampant around here) gives our story's resident idiot what for, then leaves to find a blue wig to replace his valued locks.)

"Now then," Marth began, oblivious to the now horridly bloodied Roy, "Come out here, you being of ultimate power, and prepare to be eradicated by my blade."

"_Myahahahahahahaha!" _

Heeding the warrior's call, a giant floating glove glided to the platform from out of seemingly nowhere.

"_Foolish mortals!" _the hand taunted, _"It is you who will be eradicated."_

Marth drew his sword, "Roy! Prepare yourself for the… Roy?" he looked behind him to his friend, who was currently busy digging around in his nose. "Oh dear God… Roy! Focus here, you asinine dim-wit!"

Roy looked up, finger still probing, "Oh! Dude! That ain't a booger, ain't it?" he pulled a nice large wad from his nose, and then began testing its stretchiness with his pointer finger and thumb. He finally regarded the opponent. Walking to his friend's side, he wiped his findings on Marth's sleeve, unaware of the glare he was receiving from him, "Dude," he speculated, "You think he needs a hand?"

Marth sighed, gingerly flicking the snot from his sleeve, "Roy, that had to have been the dumbest, most clichéd pun ever said concerning hands I have ever had the misfortune to have dulled my already declining sanity!"

A second gloved enemy slid in at this point.

"_I trust you have met my right hand man?" _the first glove replied.

"_Yo!" _The right-handed glove waved.

"I retract my previous statement." Marth grumbled, head in his hand. Roy's hand shot up into the air instantly.

"_You have a question, mortal?"_

"Yeah dude; how big are your shoes?"

"_That is not important, tiny warrior. What is important is that you tremble like mortals should! What you see here represents only a fraction of my…" _Roy had his hand up again, _"Is this about my shoes?"_

"No, dude."

"_If this is a question about one of my articles of clothing, put your hand down now!"_

Roy's hand slowly went to his side again. Marth piped up, "I myself have a question for you, strange being of ultimate power."

"_I assume it will be more intelligent than anything your friend here can cook up." _The being sighed, motioning for Roy, who was currently resuming his excavation.

"Trust me, it will." Marth sighed, equally exasperated, "How is that you, a disembodied gloved appendage, are capable of discerning our location at all. I see no eyes, and I see no other sensory organs about you."

"_That's a…" _The being paused, _"…very good question. It's a funny story actually; you see the thing is…" _Suddenly and without another word, the hand swiped the pair, sending them flying off the stage for (big surprise) parts unknown.

"_So whattd'ya wanna do now?" _the right hand asked. After a brief pause, he chimed in again, _"Wanna thumb wrestle?"_

And they thumb wrestled…

**Scene Change**

Captain Falcon stared down his next opponent, using his patented Falcon-Stare-Of-Death-And-General-Discomfort. "You fool!" he taunted, "Prepare to taste my knuckles!" He lashed out against it, smiling as it gave.

"Hoo Yeah!" he cheered to himself, "Take that! Eat some o' this! I'm supreme, bizzle!"

Fox, hobbling in from his last encounter (I'm so gentle with these people, aren't I?) regarded the captain with curiosity. "Captain Falcon?" he called.

Falcon paid no attention as he continued his assault, "Still standin'? Hoo-Hah! And a lil' o' this!"

"Captain Falcon?"

"Hah! Batteries not included! Hoh! Your mileage may vary!"

"Captain Falcon?" Fox's voice was edged with a hint of annoyance.

"Some assembly required! Ha-Hah! Side effects are generally mild! If you suffer an ere…"

"_CAPTAIN FALCON!"_

"What?" The fighter turned around, obviously ticked, "I'm in my element here!"

"Obviously." Fox responded with just a hint of sarcasm, "So tell me: why are you beating up a crate?"

Falcon looked back to the crate, which for all his pummeling still showed no signs of damage. "I have no idea." He admitted, "I just saw this thing and got the insatiable urge to beat the stuffing out o' it."

Fox was just about to say just how stupid it sounded, when suddenly he was hit with the same urge. "Dude," he called out, motioning for Falcon to stand aside. He pulled out his trusty ray gun, gave a hearty "Come on!" and began rapid-fire blasting, peppering the box with laser bursts.

Captain Falcon shook his head, moving in front of the lasers, "Fox, you couldn't hurt a dying gnat with that thing." He stood, unflinching as the blasts harmlessly hit him.

Fox nodded his approval, "I need to make this more powerful. Whatever, stand aside then." He focused, muscles tightening, until he was surrounded in an aura of fire. The Captain wisely leapt out of the way as Fox went sailing for the crate, which disintegrated instantly. They both stared at their prize, with first optimism, then disappointment.

"Is that…a hamburger?" Falcon spoke first.

"No, that's a picture of a hamburger." Fox stated matter-of-factly. He picked it up, shrugged, then ate the strange item.

"Oh my God; you ate that thing?" Falcon stared at him, jaw open.

Fox stumbled, "Okay, I just saw sparkly…glitter…stuff…and I don't feel as much pain as I did before."

Falcon nodded knowingly, "You know what this means, right?"

"That was one dang-good burger?"

"Nope, it means there was some PCP in that burger!" Falcon nodded again, "Just be careful; that stuff's pretty addictive."

Another crate fell behind the Captain. He shook his head, "Let's not mess with those things anymore, eh Fox? Fox?" he looked behind him, but this time had no time to jump away as Fox the Fireball came careening towards him and the crate.


	8. A Preview of Coming Attractions

_**You have waited and waited, biding your time, all while asking…**_

"**Is there a point to this fanfic?"**

"**Why is Mario so stupid?"**

"**When will Ness make an appearance?"**

_**Well the answer to none of those questions will be answered, except one!**_

_**This summer, Ness stars in…**_

**Ness: The Magical Wizard who Says Odd Things!**

Fox walked solemnly up to the summit of the mountain where the magical wizard was said to live. He stopped, gave one look to the short, big-headed child seated on the rock and bowed with reverence.

"You have traveled far, noble kitty cat." Ness said, "What do you ask of me?"

**_Featuring the fine acting abilities of Keanu Reeves… as the rock Ness sits on._**

"Oh dude!" Everyone's bad impersonation of Keanu whines, "You like totally need to, like take a shower."

"Be silent, rock. Now kitty, what is your question."

Fox shook his head, "First off, I'm a fox, not a cat. Second, I need your advice. You see, I have been trying to get the attention of a young lady."

Ness nodded, "I like fudge."

"What?!?"

_**Also featuring the voice talents of Pablo Francisco, as the Movie voice-over guy.**_

Ness held his hand up, as though he had something important to say, "Fangirls…" he began, "…are very evil people."

"What are you talking about?" Fox fumed, but Ness stopped him from talking further.

"They use the power of words to do very, very evil things." A Mr. Saturn brought a laptop to him, "Why just read this…"

**_Nominated for twenty-seven-thousand Academy Awards, including Biggest Waste of Eleven Minutes and Best Use of a Spontaneous Dance Break._**

Fox looked it over, "Hey, it's a Naruto fic. What's so bad about… oh… oh!" Fox's ear began involuntarily twitching, first one, then two, then rapidly flitting. "OH!!!!! That's disgus-OH! And Akimaru? Oh dear god! I think that's illegal! OH!"

"**_I would say something bad, but apparently it's our job just to say 'Two Thumbs Up' on every single movie I see." Raves Ebert and Roper._**

Fox tore his eyes away from the monitor. "That was the most disgusting thing I have ever seen in my life."

Ness clicked on the screen, "There is another chapter." He explained.

Fox gasped, "I dare not read, but I can't look away…"

_**The New York Times says: "Riveting! We give it four stars, but remember were the one who gave good reviews to the Jackass Movies!"**_

"So you see…" Ness drawled, "Fangirls are evil people, who do evil things to famous characters." (Author's note: Suicide? Just a disclaimer: I joke around with you people. I don't wanna get Hate-Mail from fangirls because they actually wrote stories that bad.)

"Why do they write such things?" Fox asked, near retching from that second chapter.

"Because they usually read too much into Kakashi's Thousand years of Pain attack." Ness curled up into a ball, "And the worst part is, none of us are safe. Someone somewhere is writing something really bad about us even as we speak!"

A moment of silence ensued, broken by Fox, who said, "Wizard? Will you hold me?"

"Heck NO!"

**Ness: The Magical Wizard who Says Odd Things**

_**Coming this fall to a fanfic near you…**_


	9. Public Access Television

_Heads up, this one is really long. Also, I'd like to take this moment to thank my little brother for giving me so many of these great ideas and laughing like mad when I read them. Thanks bro!_

_But enough sentimentality, on with the skit!_

_And now… It's time for "The Overly-Polite Chef". Brought to you by Super Smash _

_Brother's Paper Towels. Can they stand up to a missile? No, but they sure can clean!_

_And now here's your host of "The Overly-Polite Chef"… Kirby McGodyousuck!_

"Actually, my name is Kirby McKirbison, announcer sir."

_Whatever._

Kirby frowns, but waves it off, "Good evening, morning, or when ever it is you are reading this segment!"

A studio audience member calls out, "Go jump in a ravine McGodyousuck!"

Kirby laughs nervously, "Thank you, you're opinion is duly noted. And that's McKirbison, sir. I understand if you have a poor memory with names but…" Someone chucks a milkshake at his head, which bounces off and leaves a large mess on his head. "Um, thank you, I needed that. Um… Today, we're going to make one of my personal favorites: Maxim Tomato Soup!" He wipes off the mess on his head and goes to his big pot.

"Okay, the first thing we need… is a fresh picked Maxim Tomato. You can usually find these in party balls, barrels, simply lying around, or in a crate. Could someone bring a crate in with our tomato?"

One of the technical workers yells "Head's up!" as the crate falls from the sky on top of McKirbison.

"Thank you," comes the pained reply from under the crate.

**Two hours of pulling out splinters later…**

"Well, we've got our crate; now let's see what's inside of it, shall we?" Kirby tosses the crate, breaking it and spilling the contents. "Oh look!" he cries out, "There's a Maxim Tomato! And over here we've got…a hamburger?" He scratches his head, "What am I gonna do with a hamburger?" His thoughts are interrupted by Fox, who Fireball tackles him and grabs the Burger.

"Oh, my precious beef by-product!" Fox coos, lovingly stroking his prize, "How long were you and I fated to be apart?" He looks to the camera, "What? I can stop any time I want to! I don't have a beef-related problem! Shut up!" and he runs off-screen with his meal.

Kirby, twitching on the ground, manages to say, "Thank you for taking that off my hands, I guess… If it's not too much trouble, could I get some medical aid? Thank you."

**Three hours and two bottles of burn remedy later…**

"Well, we got our tomato, and it's fresh too! You should always make sure you have fresh tomatoes, so your soups can have…Maxim-mum flavor!"

Someone in the studio audience throws a trophy and beans Kirby in the head, "Um, thank you… now I'm wide awake." Rubbing his head, McKirbison reads what's on the trophy, "'Awarded to the biggest idiot ever, Kirby McGodyousuck' Well, I guess it would be rude to refuse, but you spelled 'McGodyousuck' with a seven…" He returns to his giant pot, "Well, now that we have our main ingredient, we need one of the most widely used of all ingredients: Water! Now it seems our water has been cut off for the time being, so we're having someone bring some in to us."

Popo and Nana hop in to the scene. Kirby waves to them, "Hey there Popo! Hello Nana! How are you two today?"

"I'm fine," Popo begins, "But it appears I am now struggling with temporary narcolepsy."

"That's too bad." Kirby says, "And maybe you should explain to our audience what that is."

Popo turns to the camera, "Well kids, Narcolepsy is a rare sleeping disorder. People affected by it will spontaneously fall…" his head droops, and he begins snoring. Nana snaps her fingers in front of his face, "…Asleep!" he finishes.

"Well, that seems serious. With all due respect, do you have the water? I was just showing the studio audience how to make my famous Maxim Tomato soup and…"

"Maxim Tomato soup?" Nana interrupts, "I _love _Maxim Tomato soup! Don't worry; we'll get that water, right Popo? Uh…Popo?" Popo had fallen asleep again, curled up in the spice rack. "_WAKE UP!"_

Popo falls out of the spice rack and stands up, leaping around like a madman saying, "What? What? Are the Saxons invading again? Should I get… the… fudge…catapult?" A long moment of silence… "What?"

After a few minutes explaining the situation, the two Ice Climbers were off. A few minutes afterwards, Nana calls from above the set, "We found some ice! Is ice good?"

Kirby nodded, "It's just water at a different temperature. Sure, bring it on down!"

"Ok, Popo, now get around to the other side of the block. No, your _other_ other side. I don't know what I mean by that means! Just hold it and make sure it doesn't come down too fast, so… Popo? Oh, don't you dare fall asleep on me here. I can't hold it by myself! Head's up!"

The ice block comes falling down on Kirby's head, a giant block that squishes him like the crate.

"Thank you…" he says from under the very large object again.

**Two hours, three sledge hammers, four bottles of medicine for frostbite, and one _very_ long look and McKirbison's life insurance policy later…**

"Well, that was a very dangerous experience, but I told the Ice climbers… it was cool." Kirby flinches, and then stands normally when he realizes nothing is going to happen. And then someone throws a shoe at him. "Who throws a shoe? It's a nice shoe though… Well anyway, now that we have our ingredients and our water, it's time to turn on the stove. So let's get our trusty lighter here to start the…" he paws around the counter, "My lighter is gone. Did someone take my lighter?"

**Meanwhile…**

Sure enough, a building was burning down just a few blocks down the road. Marth burst from the main room, running down the hall, screaming, "Women and men too sexy to be roasted alive first!" He pulled Roy behind him, "Stay back there, maybe your stupidity is flame retarded!"

Samus ran along side the blue-haired warrior, "Don't you mean 'flame retard_ant?'_"

Marth gave the bounty hunter the most hateful look, "No!" (Disclaimer: I apologize. I am not making fun of anyone, just Roy.)

Samus slowed down, "That's not nice…"

Marth sighed, "Don't think, just run. Run, man, RUN!"

"I'm a woman you know."

Marth skidded to a halt, "Cracker _WHAT?"_

**Back to the show!**

"Well, I'd ask you for a light, but the last time I did that…"

**Flashback!**

The studio was on fire. Marth was running from the set, screaming, "Women and men too sexy to be roasted alive first!"

**Very short Flashback over!**

"Yeah, that didn't go so well…"

Bowser meanders on set and promptly takes a pepper from a jar.

"Um… Bowser be careful!" Kirby warns, "Those peppers are really spicy!"

Bowser laughs, "Do you honestly believe that I, and evil turtle based overlord, with the power to breathe fire, would be defeated by a simple pepper?" He swallowed the odd colored pepper in one bite.

"Those are the McKirbison family Secret Twenty-Seven Alarm Peppers. They could melt the snow off the top of a mountain from the base…"

Bowser's face went beet red, than he breathed fire on the only semi-suspecting chef, then he calmly walked off as though nothing had happened. Kirby, now once again a charred Kirby ball, exhaled smoke, which spelled the words "Thank you…"

**Five hours, twenty burn remedies, more than a few fire extinguishers, and one really long time card later…**

Kirby slumped over the giant pot, which contained the finished soup. Luigi meanders onto the set and gives a little taste test, spitting it out. "Mama Canoli! This soup tastes like-a monkey's back-a-side!"

Kirby stands up, suddenly very inflated, quivering with bottled up rage, "WHAT! I'll have you know that I've been flattened by a crate, tackled by a flaming junkie, crushed by a very large block of ice, immolated by a turtle and special seasoning, and clocked repeatedly on the head with various objects all while making this crummy soup for an audience that can't even remember my FREAKIN' name! And you intend to tell me that you think it tastes like a LEMUR'S HIND END?"

"Actually, I said a monkey's back-a-side…"

Kirby picks up the nearest frying pan and leaps for Luigi. "AAAAAALIAGIANIAGHIRAPIE!"

**We are experiencing technical difficulties please stand by…**

"Hi, this is Marth reminding you: always remember the proper procedure when a fire occurs. Namely, get out of my way, and try to make sure Roy bravely sacrifices himself.

**The More You Know…**


	10. A Future Story Arc?

_A few things. One, we have a cameo appearance today! Two, I am aware that Fox has appeared in a lot of these skits, but in my own defense, I REALLY like Fox. He will be taking a back seat for a while, so enjoy him now._

Falco briskly tapped on the door to the captain's room. "Fox! Fox, open up! We got a situation up on deck; come on, Fox!"

The door opened, _Pshew! _(Because that's the sounds doors make when they open, _Pshew! _Not _Voom! _or _Bing! Your door is now open, for those of you too dumb to check._) Fox stood at the door more than slightly annoyed at having his hamburger break interrupted. "What is it? You'd better have a good reason for getting in the way of official Captainy… ship…captain things… What is it?"

Falco shook his head, "We've got an unidentified plane boarded on deck. It was at first a strange adaptation of a Cessna, but they're saying that it turned into some kind of bipedal robot and is currently infiltrating the halls."

Fox stepped all the way out, letting the door _Pshew _behind him, "That's important, indeed. Where is it now?"

"Right behind you."

Fox turned to calmly regard the strange robot as he squatted down. A small figure hopped from the machine, a diminutive two-tailed fox. "Sorry about that…" the little fox said apologetically, "I just wanted to take a look around. You have a really nice ship."

"Thanks?" Fox said incredulously, "And…who are you?"

"I'm Miles Prower, though my friends call me Tails." Tails began, "It's nice to finally meet you, Mr. Fox."

"Uh-huh…" Fox looked to Falco, who simply shrugged, then motioned to the fidgeting child. "Tails?" he asked, turning back.

"What is it?"

"Are…" He paused, thinking over the best way to address the problem, "Are you aware that you're naked?"

Tails looked down, contemplating the fact that indeed the only thing he was wearing was gloves and shoes, "Yea…"

"And this doesn't strike you as…" Fox trailed off.

"Should I?"

Fox shrugged, "Anyway… can we help you, Miles?"

"Oh, yeah! You see, I need you… your…" Tails trailed off, looking at the discomfort evident on the two's faces, "Is something wrong?"

Falco piped up, "You mean besides the fact that you're running around the ship in fur?"

Tails looked down again, "Oh… do you want me to…"

"Yeah… That'd be great…" Fox said.

**A few short minutes later…**

Tails came out of the conveniently placed changing room in a pair of green overalls, "There, any better?" After a silent nod from Falco, he continued, "My friends are in trouble, and my world's in danger of being destroyed by a fat circular bad guy! I need your help!"

Falco's mouth dropped, "You didn't tell us this sooner? You were exchanging pleasantries while your planet was in danger?"

Fox, at exactly when his friend stopped, contemplated on a different matter, "If we go to this kid's world, and they all adhere to the same dress code, and if we happen to run into some girl foxes…"

"Mister Fox, your nose is bleeding." Tails pointed out, "You're thinking bad thoughts, aren't you?"

Fox laughed nervously, bringing a finger across his nose, "What makes you think that, kid?"

"Besides the fact that you were talking to yourself? You had that look Knuckles gets when he sees Rouge. I got a picture of them here…" he showed a photo of the echidna and Rouge, and when Fox saw the…bat?... (Is that really what she's supposed to be?) with her unbelievable, almost comical… (Clears Throat) proportions, the warrior fell to the floor.

Falco took one look at his captain and sighed, "Looks like the blood's completely left his head… again…"

Tails stared with curiosity at the now twitching Fox, "But he's only been bleeding for a few minutes!"

"Well, what I meant was…" Falco looked first at Tails, then to Fox, who was muttering something about "Fox vixens". Falco grabbed Tails' shoulder, "I think you'll find out what I mean when you're older… for now, let's worry about getting to your world."

Tails nodded, giving one last confused look to the captain before going with Falco to the engine room.


	11. The Entrance is Everything!

Ganondorf laughed maliciously as he strolled through the halls straight for Zelda and her new entourage. "Fools!" he thundered, "Know fear, for I have returned for you! Me, Ganondorf!!!"

_Dun-Dun-DUNNNNNNNNN!!!_

Marth and Roy drew their swords and moved to guard the princess. "M'lady," Marth called, "Stay behind us; we will protect you from Ganondorf."

_Dun-Dun-DUNNNNNNNN!!!_

Ganondorf laughed again, still advancing, "Again, Fools! You have no hope to protect that woman! I will take her as my evil bride and rule all of Hyrule, for I… am Ganondorf!!!"

_Dun-Dun-DUNNNNNNNNN!!!_

Zelda frowned, "What is _with _that annoying din?"

Ganon laughed, "That? Oh, that is Earl, my special sound man. He helps make my entrance by playing an evil orchestral surge whenever my name is said!"

Roy spoke up, "No more introductions, dude. It's time to fight, so totally prepare yourself, Gandhi-Dwarf!"

Marth sighed, "His name isn't Gandhi-Dwarf, it's Ganondorf."

_Dun-Dun-DUNNNNNNNNN!!!_

Roy frowned and scratched his head, "Candy-Dork?"

Zelda tapped the red-haired warrior on the shoulder, "Roy, darling, repeat after me: Gan- (_Dun!)_-on- (_Dun!) _–dorf! (_DUNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!_)"

Ganondorf by now was getting quite annoyed, "Will you all stop it?"

"Gan- (_Dun!_) –on- (_Dun!_) –dorf! (_DUNNNNNNNNN!!!_)" Roy repeated, "Huh, that's a funny name!"

"You dare to taunt the name of Ganondorf?"

_Dun-Dun-DUNNNNNNNNN!!!_

Roy began laughing, "Ganondorf! Ganondorf! Ganondorf!" (Dundun's playing to tune of "La Cucaracha")

"No! Stop it! Stop that, I command you! Earl, cease the orchestral surges, you annoying pathetic excuse for a human being!"

A pause, followed by someone's voice over the non-existent PA system, "You know, I have feelings too."

Ganondorf sighed, "Earl? Earl, you there? Come on, Earl! Will you guys excuse me for a second?"

"Of course!" they all replied at once, and Ganon promptly exited.

**A few minutes of contract negotiation later…**

"Okay, I just got Earl back on sound duty… Holla Earl... and now, it is time! You will all be crushed (Except my sweetheart Zelda of course and Earl the sound guy, so technically it'll just be the two people right there.) for I command the very elements!" At his beck and call, all four elements appeared before him in the form of humans.

Zelda shuddered, "And what are you going to do with your command of the elements?"

An evil look came to the wizard's face, "So glad you asked. With my vast command of the four elements, I command them to!…" He held his hand in the air and paused, "I command them to!..." another pause, "Uh, now Earl."

_Dun-Dun-DUNNNNNNNNN!!!_

"**DANCE!!!!!!!!**" The elements all began dancing an Irish jig. MewTwo was playing the violin with his mind, explaining with a simple, "I lost a bet to the maniac."

Marth turned to Zelda, "This is who your ultimate enemy is?"

Zelda nodded, "Sadly, yes, he is."

Roy turned to her, "Do you want us to kick his butt?"

"Yeah, that'd be great."


	12. A falling item free for all!

MewTwo let out a hearty evil laugh as he held Samus suspended with his mind, "So now, sir, what do you intend to do now?"

Samus twisted in her counterpart's invisible grip, "I… am a woman, you crazy… cat…skeleton…plant thing!"

"I'm a what?" MewTwo asked, then his eyes widened, "You're a _what_? I have no time to marvel at your gender, so I wish you a fond farewell." He threw the bounty hunter, sending her flying for parts unknown, (I have _got _to find a better line!) and laughed his signature evil laugh.

"These insignificant opponents hold no challenge for me!" He declared to the sky. "I will destroy all comers and take over this puny planet!" During his evil laughter fit, a fire-flower floated to the ground past his eyes, "Haahahahaha! I will… will…I will… w-wha- ha…hahaha…heeheehee…" His scowl was replaced by pure childish ecstasy, "_It's a FLOWER!!!!!!_"

He picked up the flower with his mind and began dancing around with it, rolling on the ground with it, and having general fun-time spoofs. "I love my flow…" Mario leapt in that instant, kicked the flower out of his hand and ran off.

MewTwo stared at the empty space where his beloved flower once floated, holding back sobs, "M-my…my…flow-Ow!" At that moment, he was hit on the head by an item that fell from the sky. "What is this?" he made the offending object float to eye level. It was a weird creature consisting of two feet and a big-nosed head. "What a peculiar little…"

His contemplations were promptly interrupted by the strange sensation that his rear was on fire. He leapt straight into the air, "Yyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeoooowwww!!!"

Just below him, Ness had walked out from hiding and picked up the Mr. Saturn. He held it up so the still-flying Pokemon could see it and said, "If you throw it, they will feel little pain and be inconvenienced for a short time." And he walked off with his new prize, muttering something about creamed corn's potential as a power source.

MewTwo landed unceremoniously on his head, "This is not how a future evil ruler should be treated." For the next quarter of an hour, he tried to pull his mini-horns out of the dirt when another falling object landed on his already sore rump. "Ow! What's that now?" He pulled the object close to his face and spun it upside-down so he could see it properly; a rod with a golden star on top of it.

A sound broke through the general silence and theme music. "That sounds like a horn." He mused, "One of those annoying horns that plays a tune. It's getting louder…you know, that song sounds familiar. Isn't it the Green Woods… oh, son of a…"

Kirby's warp star careened out of control right into MewTwo and exploded, sending Pokemon, Pop-Star warrior, and the peculiar object flying away. Kirby recovered quickly and ran to the injured MewTwo, "Oh my Gosh! Are you all right? I'm so sorry, I… Hey! I was looking for that; do you mind if I…" he grabbed the aptly named Star rod and bowed to the twitching MewTwo, "Also, Dee-Dee-Dee's here."

MewTwo stood up confused, and was promptly answered by a giant mallet to the head and a cartoonish _Ka-Doing! _Kirby was by now running away while the King was indiscriminately swinging around his hammer and chasing. "There are no words in the English language that could properly articulate my anguish at this moment in time." MewTwo complained when all was quiet again.

No sooner had he stood up again than he was struck once again by an object. "What now? Is that a hamburger?" He picked it up, "No, it's a cardboard cut-out of a hamburger… I am feeling a slight sense of Déjà vu; I wonder why…" Suddenly he was aware of some method of fireball flying towards him, but before he could react, Fire Fox had tackled his hip and sent him flipping into the air.

"Burger!" Fox grabbed the hamburger and once again began… Wait! Hold it! I told the audience a few chapters back you'd be taking a break from the skits! Man, get out of here before I call Zelda on your butt!

MewTwo lay on the ground for a few moments, lamenting at how his butt seemed to be a fire magnet, when he was hit in the face with another falling object. "Ahh! What is it now?" A Poke Ball?" He flinched, and then picked it up, "Why, it is!" He instinctively grabbed at his rump, "Wonder what it's doing here?" Another flinch, then he convinced himself that he wasn't going to be attacked, until he was tackled by two crazy electric rodents.

"Freedom to the Pokemon!" Pichu cried.

"PI! Pi, pika, chu-pika-pikachu!" Pikachu responded, to Pichu's obvious exasperation. They both Thunder-Shocked the suspecting, but still helpless, MewTwo and stole the container, running off and giving their respective free-the-whales battle cries.

MewTwo rose up slowly, "If there is anything that could make this day any worse, I have yet to discover it!" Another Fire Flower fluttered flippantly in front of our fiendish friends face. (Alliterations! Ain't they a kick?) MewTwo's face instantly lit up and he brought the flower close to him, but before he could do anything, he was attacked by Luigi, who took the flower.

"Tough luck, kid." Luigi laughed and ran away. Or rather, he would have, were it not for the fact that his feet weren't touching the ground. MewTwo pulled him back, his voice taking an almost demonic tone.

"Nobody steals my flower!" He held the squirming thrashing plumber in place with his mind and prepared a shadow ball, "Say good bye, pathetic, slightly effeminate plumber human!"

"Hey! I'm not effemin-Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!" Luigi was sent flying to join Samus in the land of Team Rocket-esque exits.

MewTwo laughed maniacally until he saw that, in his attempt to blow Luigi all the way to the next map that he had destroyed his precious flower and the petals were floating down around him. "My-my flower! It's gone! I killed the flower!"

(Overly dramatic, drawn out "No!" That I don't feel like typing,)

**And now… Deep thoughts, by Captain Falcon,**

_I was walking down the street and I saw a puddle. Then I saw a person get splashed by that puddle when a car drove past and I thought: what if life is like a puddle and your only purpose is to make people wet?_

_I told that story to Zelda, however, and she lit me on fire for some reason! Some people are jerks!_


	13. Shopping and Synonyms

"I only intend to ask this one more time." Marth said to Roy as they walked down the street, a kid following them around, "Who in the name of all that is altruistic and benevolent is that juvenile person and to what end does he doggedly pursue our every retreating footstep with the stoic determination of a ravaged Pomeranian?"

Roy thought that over for a second, "Ok, what? I lost you at 'I'm only gonna ask this once', dude!"

Marth sighed, grumbling many low curses into his hand, "Who… is the kid tagging along?"

Roy turned back to the kid, who right now was more focused on a passing bug than their conversation, "Oh, Dude! That there's my main squeeze! He's totally cool, y'know what I'm saying?"

"That is all well and good, but do you happen to know your 'Main Squeeze''s name?"

"Oh yeah, I asked him. He said his name was…like…'Graaagh!'"

"Greg?"

"No, dude! His name's totally 'Graaagh!'" The red-haired warrior then turned to the kid, "Isn't that right, Graaagh?"

"Graaagh" responded with a simple, "Hah!" and went back to his bug-watching.

Marth grumbled some more, "Roy, my dear misguided traveling companion, I do not think his name is 'Graaagh!'; I believe he may be autistic."

"Autistic?" Roy made an overly-dramatic turn for the non-existent camera, "What's that, dude?"

"What are you looking at?"

"Dude, I don't know! Just answer the question!"

Marth sighed, "Autistic, adjective, referring to people afflicted with Autism. Autism, as defined by Webster's Dictionary: a developmental disorder marked by impaired social interaction, poor communication abilities, etc."

The child and the swordsmen exchanged looks, "I don't get'im either Graaagh."

Marth was convinced he set the record for disappointed sighs since he began traveling with him, "You know, you ask me what it means… _it means they cannot speak well you sub-par intellectual walking paramecium!_" he sighed,"Limited vocabularies aside, we should be focusing on the matter at hand. Roy, it is imperative we get supplies if we intend to make the trip to the mountains."

"Oh, right! We're gonna go see some wizard dude, right?"

"Exactly. We're going to find a wizard who can help us get stronger and defeat the obligatory villain we need to defeat, but we need to be prepared for the random encounter I am quite sure will appear between here and there."

Roy was first to walk into the shop, "Are you psychic or somethin'?"

"No, I just know that, nine times out of ten, you always get ambushed right before an important event in the story, like when you're about to meet a person who knows something extremely important. It only happens in nearly every RPG, fantasy story, and anything that involves indiscriminate fighting of a rival faction."

Marth continued on to the counter, "Felicitations, humble proprietor. I was hoping to entreat your service in procuring victuals and medicines for an arduous exploration to locales most peculiar. Rest assured that you shall be proficiently compensated for your auspicious abetment." (I've been having lots of fun with the thesaurus, if you couldn't tell.)

From the shop keep, the mysterious boy, and from Roy rung a singular dumb "Uhhhhhhhh…."

Marth shook his head, "Sadly, this is the fate of all geniuses." He cleared his throat, "Yo, shop-keep, what you got selling behind those counters of yours?"

The proprietor nodded in understanding, "Oh, sorry about that, I just don't speak… what was that you were just speaking?"

"English, for those of us with an IQ above eighty-five."

"Yeah, right. Well anyway, let's see what you need…" he looked to the mysterious kid, "Hiya Link how's the forest?"

"Link?" Roy turned to the boy, "Aw man, I already had a name tag written out for ya!" He held up a crudely drawn-on piece of cardboard with his multiple attempts to spell "Graaagh!" crossed out.

"Now," The shop keeper pulled out a few items, "How about some arrows?"

"I do not use a bow." Marth replied, shaking his head.

"Bombs?"

"I have no use for silly gadgets?"

"A boomerang?"

"That has to be one of the dumbest weapons ever."

"Deku Seeds?"

"Seeds?" Marth asked incredulously, "What could you possibly do with seeds that could help you when you're traveling?"

"Well, when you throw them, they flash, and the enemy will… be inconvenienced for a second."

"Inconvienenced?" Marth began to get pissed "What kind of stupid sales pitch is that? Who would buy these overpriced objects when that's all they do?" Then he said, "I'll take five. What else do you have?"

"Let's see… I have a wooden shield."

"Wonderful! A wooden shield! You're selling cheap armaments as well as things you found on the ground! A wooden shield? Why that would never last five minutes in a real fight, not even taking into account its deplorable resistance to fire. I cannot imagine anyone fighting with a defective piece of rubbish like that."

Link took a step forward, voicing a series of grunts and shouts in complaint. Marth sighed, "I can only hope that when you are older, you will have learned to speak more than that simple screaming fest of yours." He turned back to the proprietor, "What do you have in the way of healing items?"

"I have a surprise!" the man responded, "I just got a fresh shipment of these; they're the most potent health item I've ever come across." He put an object on the counter, "And a special bargain too."

"Good _God!"_ Marth leapt back in revulsion, "That is a heart! You're selling human hearts?!?!?"

"Actually," The man said matter-of-factly, "The hearts came from some of the local Wall-masters that spawn in the same location over and over whenever you leave. So technically they're Re-spawning Wall-master hearts."

"That is irrelevant!! I suppose you're going to tell me I have to eat it to be healed."

"No, no one eats it!"

Marth sighed, "That's a relief."

"Most people just step on them and it works."

"Wonderful; that is so much better! All I have to do is let it mess up my boots and I'm healed. Get that out of my sight, and unless you have anything else of importance, I intend to take my leave of you."

"Wait!" The shop-keep reached for something under the counter, "I have an item that will help you become permanently stronger."

"If you are going to tell me that it involves Wall-master hearts…"

"It won't."

"Good."

"I believe they're actually human, but we only sell them in fragments." He put a piece of a heart on the counter.

"Oh God." Marth retched and ran out of the store with his hand to his mouth. Link and Roy stared at each other, shrugged, and walked off after him.

_Roy, behind the scenes: Dude, I didn't get many lines there._

_Narrator: Really? Wow, you're right. Don't worry; I'll try to get you more airtime next time._

_Roy: Will there be more swords next time?_

_Narrator: Roy, for the last time, you are not a distant relative of Fighter._

_Link (For the record, Young Link was the one in this fic): Series of screams and grunts_

_Narrator: We have _got_ to get this kid some flash cards or something…_


	14. The Strawberry Saloon: Part 1

(Ragtime music playing)

Kirby, who at this point was in sour spirits over not-so-recent developments, decided to drown his sorrow at the nearest bar available. So he walked into the Strawberry Saloon and waited for the barkeep.

"Kirbison?"

Popping up from under the counter-with enough speed to nearly give our pink friend a stroke-was a certain jiggly and poofy character that I'm sure a few fan-persons were waiting on to make an appearance. (Scattered applause)

"Jigglypuff?" Kirby exclaimed, "I didn't know you were working here!"

"Uh-huh. In fact, just bought the place from a nice couple who said something about fighting pandas in the mountains and fruit…"

"Fighting pandas?"

Jigglypuff nodded, "Yeah, apparently they have a vendetta against mountain creatures with fruit or something like that…" her cheerful demeanor quickly became one of concern, "Are you all right, I haven't seen your face that long since that time you went back to wetting…"

"No!" Kirby interrupted, "Please…please…thank you. I've just been a little sad because I just got fired."

"Fired? What for?"

"Well…" Kirby rubbed his chin thoughtfully, and the bar began to waver.

"AAH!" Jigglypuff screamed, "Why's everythin' going all wobbly?"

"Oh, sorry, I should have warned you I was going into a flashback." Kirby explained, "Um, may I continue?"

"Sure, hon just got a little spooked. Go on with your flashback."

"Thank you. Now where was I?"

**Flashback sequence begins…**

_I had just finished a show, with my usual bout of success…_

Kirby walked off the stage with an assortment of random items on his head. He stops, clears his throat, and spits out a dagger. "Note to self;" he muttered, "Do not Swallow sharp pointy objects if you intend to keep them in your stomach for long periods of time."

_A good friend of mine told me that the boss wanted a private word when I had a moment…_

"Hey jerk wad! The boss wants you! Get your pudgy pink butt there now!"

_We had known each other for a long time, and were almost brothers, we were so close. Sure, he didn't show it, but he always treated me with a level of respect that…_

"Hey Fart-Face! Stop telling them lies and get on with the flashback!"

_Wait. With all due respect, you can't interrupt this. I think it goes against the rules or something._

"Whatever, Fat-Apples. Just get on with it; I'm getting a headache listening to your whining." (Mocking) "Ooh, with all due respect… with all due respect… it's against the rules… I sleep with a teddy bear and suck my non-existent thumb 'cause I'm a jerk-wad!"

_Okay… that was weird… anyway, so I go to the boss, and he is very… very… what's the word… he enjoys work ethic…_

The boss (Bowser) grabs a coffee cup, "Yeeeeeaaaahhh…I'm gonna need you to work double shifts to make it for Sweeps next week… and if you could maybe help out with the camera work that'd be greeeeaaaat…"

_I tried to explain to him that I was already working triple shifts, Sweeps is generally for news stations and I was on a cooking show, and also that I knew nothing about cameras._

"But, sir…"

_That was about all I managed to get out before he started telling me how valuable I was to the station._

"I got a million people lined up who can take your place."

_He also mentioned how famous I had become._

"There's a hospital in California that has your name and picture in their databanks as a frequent visitor, and before you say it, yes I know you haven't been to California."

_And gave me much praise on my excellent culinary skills…_

"Potato-Marshmallow-Peanut Butter-Soup? Only a monkey with a brain tumor could think of that!"

_Needless to say, I was quite flattered (In the flashback, Kirby's eye is twitching) but in the situation, I couldn't possibly work more. I told him as much, in as calm and polite a tone as I could manage in the situation…_

Kirby hopped on the desk, looked the boss square in the eye, and said, "Why don't you take that coffee cup and those ridiculous (but still fashionable) glasses, and shove them up… in… your storage… closet, you…person, you."

_Well, the boss, in turn, gave his own argument, in equally calm and level tones._

Bowser breathed fire on our hapless friend, grabbed him and chucked him against the wall in one fluid motion, then leapt into the air and landed, posterior first, on the still stunned Kirby, yelling, "What was that about me being a 'Person'?"

_It wasn't very convincing for me, and I think I posed another argument against him, but the only thing I can remember after that was volleyball… and pain…_

**Flashback Ends**

Jigglypuff nodded sympathetically, "That's a real sad story. Do you know where you're gonna work now?"

Kirby shook his head, "I had nothing set up when I talked to him. I don't know what I'm gonna do now."

"Oh, there, there…" Jigglypuff patted Kirby's non-existent shoulder, "I know something that could help make everything better."

"What's that?"

"ICE CREAM!"

_WHUMP!_ (The sound of metallic ice cream bowl hitting the table)

"AAAAGH!!" Kirby exclaimed. "That scared…" He looked down, "Oh, I'm so sorry… it's just… with the sudden excitement… and now the stool, and…" He looked back up, confused, "Ice cream? I thought this was a bar… that served drinks"

"What? Come on, this is a kid's story (or at least read by people who _act _like kids) I wouldn't introduce alcohol into it."

Kirby pointed to the table behind him, "What about that guy then?"

MewTwo had his head on the table, muttering in slurred tones, "An' den they tooked m' flower! Why, o'why they tooked m' flower!" He raised his head and began a fit of loud wailing and sobbing, "Wha' kinda pershon m' I?!?!? I kill'd da flower! I' no do nuttin t' me 'cept be all preh'y an' I kill'd it! Uwaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaaaaa!" He threw his head back to loose another keening, but in the effort, he overbalanced and his chair fell backwards. He went into sleeping the moment he hit the floor.

Jigglypuff finished scooping the ice cream into the bowl, "He's lactose-intolerant." She said, as if that explained everything.

"What? That doesn't make any sense at all! He wouldn't be acting all drunk like that if…"

Jigglypuff inflated suddenly and gave Kirby the Death-stare, "_Lactose…In…TOLERANT!" _she exclaimed in a voice slightly demonic and-dare I say it? - masculine."

Kirby offered a meek "Yes, Ma'Am." before turning his attention to his ice cream.

Jigglypuff returned to normal size, and in a normal voice said, "I love this job," before going to clean the counters.

_**And now a word from our sponsor…**_

Ness walked onto the stage as the light shines on him. He cleared his throat… "Do re mi fa so la ti do! Do ti la…so…mi?" He shook his head and turned to the camera. He took a deep breath, then exhaled, deep breath, exhale, deep breath…

_Man over PA: Ness, we don't have much time._

Ness nodded. He cleared his throat, then cleared it again, then began coughing and hacking loudly. It was a few more minutes before he finally recovered. Grabbing a water bottle tossed to him, he took a drink, gargled, and tossed the bottle off stage.

_Woman off stage: Ahh! My eye!_

_PA: Ness, we really have to get going on this._

Ness nodded again. Turning once again to the camera, he opened his mouth, as if to speak, then began stretching, squatting, reaching, jogging in place…

_PA: Come on! We really need to get this over with! Are you ready now?_

Ness nodded a third time.

_PA: Great. Ladies and gentleman, now (finally) a word from our sponsor!_

Ness took a deep breath and said… "Pinecones."

And then he walked off the stage.

_**And now back to the show!**_

_Sorry it took so long those three people waiting. I kinda had to discard an idea I found out was not funny, and then I really didn't get to making anything new. Be on the lookout for part two!_


	15. The Strawberry Saloon: Part 2

The Strawberry Saloon was abuzz with business, filled with chattering, laughing and drunk (pardon me…lactose-intolerant) patrons. Let's listen in on some of the many conversations ensuing even as we speak.

"Come on, dude!" Roy exclaimed, "Tell me!"

"You mean that you don't know what a spit take is?" Zelda stared at the swordsman incredulously.

"No idea, dude."

The princess sighed, "All right, I'll show you, and stop calling me 'Dude'" She looked around the bar, eventually spotting Fox with a glass of water to his lips, "Just watch." She slowly approached him and tapped him on the shoulder "Hey Fox?"

"M-hmm?" Fox muttered between sips.

"I'm pregnant!"

_Pfffffffftttttttt!!!! _Fox wiped the water from his mouth; unaware of the unfortunate patron he doused, (MewTwo, who at this point was too lactose-inebriated to care.) "What? Zel… I…we…you…you're…p-p-…what?!?!?!?!"

Zelda giggled, nonchalantly taking the glass from Fox's trembling hands before turning back to Roy, "You see?" she called, "A perfect example right here, and a fine take it was!" She raised the glass to her lips.

"Zel?" Fox said, utterly distraught, "Okay, I know that there _may _have been a period of time when you had absolutely no idea what happened but I swear I had nothing to do with it."

_Pffffffffttttttt!!! _This time Zelda was the one to wipe water from her mouth afterwards. (On a side note, MewTwo managed a grunt of protest, but otherwise stayed in his stupor.) "Th-that…" she stammered, "That explains a few… few things… Excuse me; I have to go take a shower…" With that, she calmly placed the glass on the table and strolled for the exit."

Fox exhaled, "Great, now I'm really in trouble… hey, at least I didn't get my butt kicked!" he cast a glance for the door… only to realize the fireball speeding towards him, "Perhaps I spoke too soon…"

**SCENE….CHAAANNGEEEE!!!!!**

_Boom!_

Bowser looked around suddenly, "Did you hear that?"

"No," Jigglypuff said simply, not taking her eyes off of the counter she was wiping.

Bowser's eyes still darted around the room, "I could've sworn I heard an explosion and…"

Jigglypuff looked up, "Hon, when you've worked in this business as long as I have…" (Incidentally, that's only been about thirty minutes…) "You learn to look the other way sometimes."

Bowser sighed, "Right…"

"Now what's wrong, Hon? You've got a longer face than a horse in a house of mirrors who just realized that his girlfriend left him for a chipmunk on the fourth of July."

Bowser's face spoke volumes for his confusion, "What? Why should I tell my problems to you?"

"Because I'm the bar-keep!" she replied matter-of-factly.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

Jigglypuff sighed, "The bar-keep _always_ listens to the problems of _every _lactose intolerant reveler in their bar when they are at a point in their life when they have to drown their sorrow in ice-cream! This is a stereotype in stories which will continue for all eternity…or until people learn to solve their own problems instead of looking to the bartender for advice." She nodded, as though approving of her own words, "So are you going to prolong the stereotype or what?"

Bowser grunted, "It's just… I always had one simple dream."

"What is that?"

"My dream is to kidnap the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom and make her my bride so that with her land and power I can begin a campaign against the entire world, one small province and prefecture at a time, crushing all who dare to stand against me, whetting my appetite on their cries for mercy…" (It should be mentioned that the longer Bowser is going on about this, the more he seems to be salivating) "Making those fool plumbers Mario and Luigi regret every moment they draw breath before finally sending them to their ultimate punishment, _feasting_ on the…." He cleared his throat, "Sorry, I got a little carried away…

"My question for you, Ms. Barkeep…" he continued, "Is that so _wrong_?"

Jigglypuff was gone, replaced by a card that read, "Fled for health concerns. Peace, Hons!"

**Wonder scene change powers…Activate!!! Form of…an inebriated Poke-mon**

MewTwo lay face down on the table, a half-finished melting banana split spilled all over, muttering incoherently about his beloved flower. Marth and Roy both stared at him with rapt interest.

"What is it dude?" Roy ventured to ask.

"Curious," Marth mused, "This creature has a plethora of enigmas encompassing it, so much so that it is nigh unfeasible for even one like myself to ken this bizarre creature's zoological application within marginally acceptable parameters."

"Uhhhhhhhhhh….What?"

Marth sighed, "What cruel joke of fate made me partner with you as one of the chosen warriors… Allow me to put it in layman's terms for you; 'No, idea…dude.'"

"Oh…" Roy looked closer at the murmuring Poke-mon, "I think it's a duck, dude."

"A _duck_?" Marth laughed, "What makes you think it's a duck?"

"It's got a tail, dude!" Roy announced triumphantly, "Ducks have tails too!"

"You're right," Marth said, his voice taking on a condescending tone, "Someone has been reading their big-boy books." He then looked at the creature's tail, "This tail doesn't seem to be very duck-like though. In fact, I'd say it looks more like a cat's tail."

Roy didn't hear him, preoccupied in excavating in his nose, "Uh-huh… so can I use my sword on it?"

"I don't know. Unprepared like this, it would not really be a challenge. Add to it (Roy, if you wipe that booger off on my shirt again I'll take your nose off!) we're in town, and if I know anything, it's that battles never happen in town, just far enough away that you can't get back conveniently should anything happen to you. Do you have a strategy?"

Roy nodded, "Yeah, hit him with my sword until they go poof, and then dance to the victory music."

Jigglypuff hopped onto the table and inflated, "_NO ONE…_" she rumbled, _Roughs up MY PATRONS!!!!!_"

Marth cried out, "Run away!" and began running in place. Roy stood there, staring at his friend, before asking, "What are you doing, dude?"

"What does it look like?" Marth replied, "You're supposed to run in place for three hours before running for your miserable life from a monster that won't think twice about attacking your exposed back." (Author's Note: I notice that Marth has been the focus of several Final Fantasy jokes lately… So all you light comedy fans get a bonus this issue. Yey!)

Roy laughed, leading him away, "Marth, dude, you are such an idiot."

"I hate you…"

Jigglypuff turned to the crowd, "Last call, everybody!"

**Behold! I can alter time by simply saying "A few hours later…"**

The sun peeked through the windows of the Strawberry Saloon, rousing MewTwo from his sleep. He clenched his eyes tight and rubbed his temples. "Guh… where am I?"

He looked around the bar, gathering together his memories as best as he could. His gaze slowly turned to his open palm, and the smudged writing on it. "Who's Claudia?" he asked, then, sensing something wrong, looked to his rear.

"…And where did my tail go?"


	16. A Preview of Coming Attractions 2!

**_In a world… where romance is king and queen, and two characters can be brought together merely on the whim of fan-persons, (Mostly fan-girls) now…more than ever… we need something to spoof._**

…_**This summer, Roy and Zelda star in…**_

**Beauty and the Beautie…est**

_**She looked everywhere for love…but to know avail.**_

"But why not?" Zelda asked, "Is it me?"

Samus growled, "I can't go out with you because I'm not like that, for the umpteenth time."

Zelda raised an eyebrow, "What are you, gay?"

"That's it!" Samus raised her arms in the air, "How many times do I have to say it; I'm a girl! Not a guy, I am a woman! Say it with me: I…AM…A…GIRL!!!"

"Really? How come you never told me?"

Samus raised her arm cannon, "Run. Now!"

_**He had searched as well, with equal results.**_

"Come on, baby. Don't be like that!"

"Roy…"

"What do I gotta do to prove I love you, dude?"

"Roy…"

"Because I do; I love you with all my…my…what's that thing? That thing that goes 'Lub-Dub, Lub-Dub…"

"Roy! Listen to me you sub-intellectual waste of time and energy!"

Frustrated, Roy spun around, "What is it, Marth dude? Can't you see I'm trying to make my move on this bodacious babe here?"

Marth sighed, "Yes, and I'm sure that fire hydrant really enjoys being romanced by a strapping gentleman like yourself."

Roy spun around to see that he had, indeed, been talking to a fire hydrant. "Just shut up…"

_**And then he tried looking again…**_

Marth shook his head, "Roy, by God, that is not…"

Roy laughed victoriously, "Don't have a fire hydrant this time, do I?" he gloated as he stroked his prize; a toaster.

Marth sighed, "No, you don't. And I suppose you should be happy to have finally found your mental equivalent."

"And the best part: she can make toast! Aw, come here baby." Roy gave the toaster a kiss on the top, only to be greeted by an electric shock that dimmed the lights.

Marth sighed again, "Sometimes, I wonder…"

"Yowza!"

_**You'd think that the third time's the charm. Trust me, the less you know about this one, the better. I just wanna say: I didn't think an enraged sloth could fight like that!**_

_Narrator: Of course, the sloth has absolutely _nothing _to do with the love-finding attempt. Honest!_

_**But, just when they seemed to give up…**_

"I give up!" Zelda yelled, throwing the controller to the ground in disgust, "How could the possibly make a boss that tough. No wonder Link keeps collecting those gross hearts."

_**Just when it seemed like neither one could go on…**_

Roy stood in front of a sign that read "Step onto the platform to begin," face contorted in utter confusion.

Marth growled, "If I stabbed you now, would you be too ignorant to realize it until it was too late?"

_**Fate dropped her into his lap.**_

"Dude, savin' the world's so tirin'! I'm pooped dude, so I think I'll sit on this conveniently placed rock!" Roy sat on the rock with a grunt.

Marth looked skyward, "Lo, what is that in the sky? It looks like a princess falling from a great height towards your very position, Roy."

Roy looked up, "Hey, you're right, du…Urgh!" Zelda landed straight into his lap before he could finish his expletive, leaving his face screwed up in pain.

Zelda looked up, "Oh, did I hit your…"

"Uh-huh…" Roy squeaked, nodding slowly,

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I have no idea how that happened and…and…say, if… you aren't doing anything…"

"Uh-huh…" he squeaked again, falling over unconscious shortly afterward.

_Narrator: If I have to endure one more horrible pun, I'm gonna come in there and beat you all with oranges!_

_**She was a young lady who had dealt with the shame and rejection of losing the ones she loved for years, waiting for her knight on a white stallion to take her on a journey of romantic and visceral pleasure the likes of which she had never seen before.**_

"I have dealt with rejection for so long. Now I'm just looking for my knight on…"

_**I just covered that!**_

"Really? Oh, sorry, please continue."

_**He… was a moron.**_

Marth stared at Roy, who was currently rooting around in the dumpster, "What exactly are you doing?"

"Looking for love!"

"In a dumpster? I thought you already found love, remember?"

Roy pulled his head out of the dumpster and took on a matter of fact tone, "No, I found Zelda. Her name's not Love, its Zelda!"

Marth said nothing, just walked away.

**_And in the face of adversity, when everyone thinks it's wrong, they will find that love will overcome. (Please begin your puking now.)_**

"I don't get it!" Fox said to Zelda, "What could you possibly see in that idiot?"

"He's not an idiot!" Zelda fumed, "You will never see him for the intelligent, kind-hearted man that I see him as."

Roy's voice could be heard from far off, "Uh, Zel? I think I glued my head to the ceiling!"

"Oh no, not again!"

_**Nominated for far more Academy awards than what actually exists, including Best Movie in the History of Movies, and Best Supporting Actor: A can of baked beans.**_

"_**When I saw it, I believe I had a sudden bowel movement." Raves a random movie-goer.**_

"_**Does anyone even listen to us anymore?" Says Ebert and Roper.**_

**Beauty and the Beautie…est**

_**Coming to a grossly overpriced theatre near you, just as soon as the lawsuits settle.**_

_Narrator: This is what happens when one neglects to write for a while… Good God what horrors have I unleashed upon the world?_


	17. Previously on ALBOLC

**Previously, on A Little Bit of Light Comedy…**

Kirby burst into the room and dropped an electronic device on the table, screaming "This bomb is going to blow up in three seconds!"

Falco looked to the 'camera', "Guess that means I should cancel that ninety minute massage." The laugh track was cut off by the ensuing explosion.

_**Scene Change…Whoosh!**_

Nana took Ness's hands, "Ness, do you think we… could ever be more than…"

Ness nodded, "There are three ways one can exit a room: laughing, screaming, or covered in strawberry gravy."

Nana blushed, "I mean, it's just that we've been friends for such a… wait. What?"

Ness made a wide sweeping motion with his hands, "And when the cows have stolen comfortable armchairs, it is time to consider becoming a Martian lawyer and saving the fourth cup of pudding for the pickle-man!"

"Forget about the pudding! I'm trying to confess my love for…"

"Of course, when the pie crust hits the fan, you can't go wrong with tin foil shoes and a new sardine can around your door."

Nana threw her hands up in frustration, "You never understand me! Why do I keep letting myself get hurt by you?" She ran for the door, and had no sooner opened it than she was splashed with an odd smelling pink-grey liquid.

Ness sauntered over, took a sample from the shocked Nana, and put it to his lips. "Hmm, strawberry!"

_**Another Scene change…Kazam!**_

Ganondorf laughed with his generic evil-guy laugh, "Earth, water, fire, and air! With this device, I hold the means to control them all for my various evil purposes." With a laugh and a grunt, he pulled the side off of the crate, but his mirth was short lived as he watched the various pieces of the machine fall out and scatter about.

"Right, this is but a minor setback," he told himself, "I can put this together, no problem!"

Ten minutes later, Ganondorf frowns over the instructions with a look of frustration bordering on murderous rage, "Where is Tab A?!?!" he screamed, "This stupid thing tells me nothing. Why is it that the only things in English make less sense then the stuff in French and Spanish?" He began flipping through the pages, "You know what? I heard the manuals tell you different things in other languages."

_Danke schön. Du hast eine wunderbar Produkt gekauft._

_Paso primero: Consiga un llave._

_Etape Deux: Prenez un souffle profond._

Ganondorf scratched his head thoughtfully, "What they didn't tell you is that what they say different does you no good if you don't speak any of the languages."

(Author's Note: I apologize if my grammar is off, but I don't speak much of any of those languages. I had to use a translator for the Spanish and French one, so it's probably way off.)

_**Flabbity-Dabbity-Doo! Scene Change!!!**_

Marth took a deep breath, "So allow me to comprehend," he began at length, "You mean to inform me that not only have I, with purposeful intent or otherwise, have produced a progeny, but said progeny is currently cavorting about this general vicinity with purpose of reuniting with his sire?"

Jigglypuff frowned, "Actually, hon, I said that you have a son, and that he's achin' to finally meetcha."

Marth made no effort to conceal his irritation, "That's what I said!"

Jigglypuff shook her head, "No, you said something about "prodigies" and "cavorting". Doesn't that mean something about ice cream?"

Marth growled, "Fine, then. So where is he? Where is my son?"

Jigglypuff turned around to face the door behind her, "Right 'hind this door, darlin'. Get ready, 'cause he's a spittin' image o' you." He opened the door, and from the open doorway came a single fanfare of '_Da-dahh!_'

Marth stared with disbelief at the doorway, finally gathering himself enough to point at the figure, "Is…is that… a hamburger."

"Naw!" Jigglypuff declared triumphantly, "That's a _picture _of a hamburger!"

Marth sighed, "You honestly believe that this… this picture of a fast food item… could have sprung from my loins?"

Jigglypuff looked from Marth to the burger, back to Marth, back to the burger, and finally said, "Ya know, now that I think 'bout it, it _does_ seem kinda silly."

"Kinda silly?" Marth crossed his arms, "It is more than kinda silly, it is utterly ridic…" He straightened instantly, "Oh dear, my 'About to be hit By an Immolated Vulpine Assailant' sense is tingling."

Jigglypuff raised a non-existent eyebrow, "Your 'About to be hit by an Immolated Vulpine Assailant' sense'? Ain't that a lil' p'rtic'lar fer a danger sense?"

"I'm aware," Marth explained, "In fact, this is the first time my sense ever tingled. I definitely have to be on…" whatever he was about to say next was promptly interrupted as Fox the fireball came barreling in, sending Marth and Jigglypuff flying for parts unknown, just like everyone nowadays.

"Oh burger!" Fox cried, stroking the picture of a burger fondly, "My mother, my father, my son, my lover, my wife, my estranged cousin, my professional taxidermist, my…"

Kirby burst into the room, covered in soot, and slammed another device on the floor, "This bomb is gonna blow up in three-tenths of a second!" he cried.

Fox had time to say a simple "Wh…"

_**KA-BOOM!**_

_Narrator: What? None of these things happened! Who's in charge of the "previously on" segue?_

_Ness (Covered in string): STRING…MAAAAAAAAAAN!_

_Narrator: …Right…what do I need to do to get some decent help in this fic._

_MewTwo: Actually get off the computer long enough to talk to real people and ask them?_

_Narrator: MewTwo, you know how I abhor hare-brained schemes that don't involve the Word program._

_MewTwo: Hopeless…_


	18. MewTwo's Tail Tale 1: Fun w Hangovers!

**What seriously happened previously on A Little Bit of Light Comedy.**

Jigglypuff put her hands on her non-existent hips, "This is a kid's story; I wouldn't introduce alcohol into it."

Kirby pointed to the utterly intoxicated MewTwo, "What about that guy?"

Jigglypuff finished scooping the ice-cream, "He's lactose-intolerant."

**Skip ahead…skip ahead…**

_Pffffffttttttt!!! _Fox spit out his drink, and MewTwo was covered in the spray. (Seriously, if you read two or three chapters ahead, this isn't new to you.)

_Pfffffffttttt!!! _Zelda shortly thereafter added her own spittle surprise.

(And now for a scene you missed!) Captain Falcon and Falco watched with interest. "What d'ya suppose they're doing?" Captain Falcon asked.

Falco shook his head. "I think they're practicing spit takes on that weird cat/bunny/human cross of a gentleman."

Captain Falcon beamed, "I'm in!"

"Beg your pardon?"

In the background, the sound of an explosion can be heard.

The Captain picked up a glass. "Come on, Falco buddy. Hit me. I wanna spit take on the cat-thing."

Falco raised an eyebrow, "Are you sure?"

"Come on, man, don't hold back! Give me a real good spit-take reason."

Falco sighed in exasperation, "Fine, I have one. Go ahead and put the glass to your lips." He waited for Captain Falcon to drink before speaking again in even tones.

"I wanna make out with your sister."

_Pffffffttttttt!!! _Captain Falcon dutifully spat out the water, leaving MewTwo covered for a third time, but the thoroughly smashed Poke-mon made no motion to acknowledge the fact.

"You wanna _what _with my sister?" Captain Falcon donned his patented Falcon-Stare-Of-Death-And-General-Discomfort.

Falco eased back into his seat, "You asked for something spit take worthy. Honestly, you are over-reacting to a simple phrase that _you _asked me to say."

The Captain wiped his mouth, easing out of his Stare-Of-Death-etc, "All right, you got a point. Sorry for flying off the handle like that."

Falco shook his head, "Think nothing of it."

Captain Falcon took a draught of water when Falco added in a softer voice.

"Even though I really _do _wanna make out with your sister…"

_Pfffffffttttt!!!_

**Skip ahead…past Marth and Roy… let's get on with this story please.**

Kirby slammed the device on the table, "This bomb is going to explode in three seconds!!!"

_Narrator: Wha…Will you get out of here?_

**Sorry about that… back to the summary.**

MewTwo squinted against the encroaching sunlight that roused him from his sleep. Groggily, he raised his head and waited for his vision to focus.

"Oog… I'm…still at the bar," he confirmed, "I must have blacked out. Agh…my head."

His gaze went to his open palm, and the writing on it, "Strange; who's Claudia?" Suddenly he sensed that something was amiss, and his head swiveled to gaze at his rump.

"Stranger…" he muttered nonchalantly, "where did my tail go?"

**Finally, that's what happened in our last not-so-exciting installment. Let's see what develops, shall we?**

For a long time, MewTwo did nothing, simply stared at the pathetic stump where his once glorious tail was. Then he turned to stare at the unfinished bowl of ice cream, melted, obviously.

"My tail is gone," he declared to no one in particular (for no one else was there) before taking his spoon, scooping up a spoonful of ice-cream soup, and putting it in his mouth.

At that very instant, the mind-clouding effects of his lactose-intolerant hangover were dispelled to the point where the meaning of those words could finally sink in fully. He reared his head back, "_MY TAIL IS GONE!!!!_"

He went on a full-blown rampage. Anything that wasn't bolted down to the floor was sent flying through the air. Shadow Balls fell like rain. Passerby fled from the scene, telling anyone who would listen that a demon was loose in the Strawberry Saloon. Unfortunately for MewTwo, he learned the hard ways one of life's harshest lessons: if you have an unimaginable arsenal of psychic powers at your disposal, it is unwise to use them indiscriminately when you're just recovering from an ice-cream hangover.

MewTwo woke up a few hours later in a daze. "Guh… What happened?" His hand suddenly went to his wrist, "Someone stole my watch!" His hand then went to his hip, "And my wallet!" And then his face paled, "And my pants! Wait…I didn't have pants to begin with."

Slowly he got to his feet, "Well now…" he mused, "now that I have that out of my system, I suppose I'd better get to finding out who stole my tail." And with that, he slowly floated out of the doorway.

Jigglypuff walked into the backdoor at that moment, to look at the cataclysm that was her bar. All the tables were overturned, and a few were splintered. Chairs were strewn everywhere; one was even lodged in the ceiling. A fountain of water was perpetually spraying upwards from a broken water pipe at the far side, which was beneficial for keeping the many small fires at bay. The giant walk in freezer was torn out of the wall and miraculously made to fit through the window at the far side. And to complete the devastation, the bar sported a new skylight, in that it had no roof anymore. One toilet, however, was not only undamaged, but ran better than it did before, strangely.

"OH…MY…GOD!!!" Jigglypuff screamed, "Who left the lights on? My electric bill is high enough without stupid people leaving lights on!"

MewTwo strode through the streets resolutely, "This will be my greatest conquest. I will find the one who stole my precious tail. I will discover the secret of the one called Claudia. And I will make the world pay for making a fool of me at my greatest time of weakness. Yes, all those who thought to cross me will feel the wrath of a thousand suns. And nothing will stop me, nothing will deter me! I will be an unbendable girder of resolve, and my laser sharp focus will bring me to my goal with no distraction."

MewTwo walked past a field of flowers, and slowed considerably, "Yes…nothing will…will…unbendable girder…I…make them pay…will…" His face slowly changed from anger to child-like exuberance, "Pay…with…I will…heh…hee hee…ha ha ha…It's…"

Suddenly he leapt into the air, diving into the field and shouting "FLOWERS!!!!" And thus was his unbendable resolve bent, and badly.

_To be continued…sadly…_


	19. MewTwo's Tail Tale 2: Interview: Zelda

Zelda was pulled from her important thoughts as the door to her throne room was burst open. Slowly, resolutely, a monster slid in. It was not that much taller than your average human, and just about as wide around. It floated millimeters off the floor, its feet close but not touching the ground, and its legs made no motion. Most peculiar about this creature, however, was that it was, from head to toe, completely covered in flowers.

Zelda held back a smile as the creature stopped near her. "You certainly seem pleased with yourself, MewTwo."

Underneath the cover of petals, MewTwo's eyes closed in ecstasy, "I am," he declared simply.

Zelda laughed. "Well then, what can I do for you, Mr. Flower Man?"

MewTwo raised his hand and focused. Instantly, all of the flowers covering him exploded, and began falling like colorful snow. MewTwo laughed giddily. "Lookit, I make it rain pretty flowers!"

Zelda sneezed, "Yes, it's quite lovely. I just hope no one comes in here for a while if they have allergies."

At that moment MewTwo turned around to regard Peach, who burst into the room. "Hi Zel! I got some really impo…" she paused, "impo…po…por…port-ah…ah…AHHHHH…" another pause, followed by an almost inaudible "tch!" Peach was thrown about three feet into the air.

"Tch!" She was six feet in the air, "Tch! Tch!" She was just below a panel of stained glass. "I'm all right! No pr…pro…pr-ah…Ah….AAAAAHHHHHH…." Another long pause. MewTwo and Zelda exchanged glances, and then looked back up. "chi!" Suddenly (though not surprisingly), Peach rocketed backwards to fly through the stained glass, and then was off, "Tch" –ing and "Chi"-ing all the while.

MewTwo smiled, still looking up at the missing glass panel. "Peach has been on another diet, I see," He remarked idly.

Zelda shrugged, "I told her 'You know, if you're so light you can float across chasms without your umbrella, you don't need to lose more we…'" She would have said more, but her attention became distracted as her gaze went to MewTwo, and more importantly, to the stub where his tail once was.

MewTwo still hadn't turned around, but after guessing where she was looking, he grinned wolfishly, "So we're both agreed," he drawled, "I have a cute butt."

Zelda blushed, "No! No, that's not… I just thought… something doesn't seem right about… something's missing."

MewTwo turned around. "At this point, I could make several derisive remarks, but at the risk of getting slapped before figuring out what I need to know, I shall keep them to myself."

"Thank you."

"Now," MewTwo made a little motion with his hand to stir up the petals again, stifling giggles, but then quickly becoming serious, "As you can see, I am missing my tail. I lost it sometime last night during my period of vulnerability at the Strawberry Saloon, and I heard that you were there last night. Do you know anything about this?"

Zelda shook her head, "I don't know anything about who stole it, but if you don't mind me saying, this is quite a…"

"Don't say it!" MewTwo growled.

Zelda laughed, saying the dreaded phrase anyway. "It is quite a… Tail! Get it? Tail? Like tale, but…"

Her mirth was slowly taken from her as she gazed upon MewTwo, who had a Shadow Ball in hand. He spoke to the princess in even tones; "I warn you now, Ma'am, that it's only the pretty flowers and the compliment you gave my butt that saves you now. If you don't know where my tail is, I'd suggest you point me in the direction of someone who will, am I understood?"

Zelda nodded shakily, "Yes, of course. Sorry; I didn't know this was such a big thing for you."

Satisfied, MewTwo put away the offending power, suddenly becoming very grave. "That's because you've never had a tail. That appendage was as much a part of me as my arms and legs. Without it, I feel… weak…naked."

Zelda looked down. "That's horrible. And because you are trying to prove a point, I'm going to ignore the fact that you are a Poke-Mon and as such are normally naked to begin with."

"Thank you."

The princess suddenly became thoughtful, "I think… if you are looking for something, you should look for Link. He's been everywhere at one point or another."

MewTwo beamed with hope. "Of course, a well-traveled person like him should know where to find tail-pilfering bandits! Where is he?"

Zelda thought. "You know, I haven't seen him in a while. It's as though he's been occupied by something else for eighteen chapters and the author simply forgot about him and another certain individual when he said in the first two chapters he'd come back to them."

MewTwo looked incredulous, "That's awfully specific, not to mention completely silly. Like the author would be so dense as to leave a story unfinished for sixteen chapters."

_Narrator: You guys are making fun of me, aren't you?_

_MewTwo: At this point it sort of has become my job to make fun of you. Zel's just along for the ride._

_Narrator: Whatever, let's get back to the story._

Zelda laughed, "I know. I mean, the author's dense, but not _that _dense!" She laughed again, but suddenly feeling the icy chill of the author's non-existent stare, suddenly decided to become serious. "I think you could find him normally frequenting the ruined temple, slashing at enemies that will keep re-spawning once he leaves the room."

**Meanwhile…**

Fox looked out at the passing world below as the spaceship powered along, his gaze wistfully taking in the rapidly shifting landscape. Behind him, a smaller figure approached.

"Whatcha doin' Fox?" Tails asked.

Fox didn't move from his spot, kept his eyes to the horizon. "Hey, kid. I'm not doing anything right now, just waiting on Falco. Did he say when he was getting back?"

Tails shook his head. "He said it'd be a little while longer." He took a step closer and inclined his head. "You all right? You seem sad."

Fox turned his head, sighed, and turned back to the sky. "What happened to your pants, kid?"

Tails looked down to where his overalls formerly rested, and then looked up, speaking matter-of-factly. "They were uncomfortable, so I took them off again."

Fox laughed, but it had no mirth. "You know, people are gonna start thinking badly about us if they hear we got a naked kid living on our ship, 'specially if they figure out how young you are."

Tails frowned, "Why's that?"

Fox put his hands behind his head and cleared his throat. "Well, you see… you can't… people will…if you…They'll start to think that…" He paused, cleared his throat again, and shifted his weight several times before finally throwing his hands up in defeat, "Forget it, kid. You'll figure it out when you get older."

Tails put his hands on his hips. "You've been saying that a lot since I got here. And you still haven't answered my question."

Fox sighed, "I'm fine. I was just thinking about something."

"Were you thinking about giiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrllllllsss?" Tails taunted in a sing-song voice.

Fox laughed. "And what's so bad about thinking about 'giiiiiiirrrrrrrrllllllsss'?"

"Girls are gross," Tails replied in the tone youngsters normally get when they state what they believe is a proven fact.

Fox smiled, "Well, you think that now of course. Pretty soon, though, you won't be able to get enough of them. Stick with me, kid, and I'll have you beating the ladies off with a stick."

Tails would have made a remark about cooties and girl germs at this point, but his attention was caught by a faint noise. "Tch! Chi! Tch tch!"

"What's that?" Fox peered around, looking for the source of the weird noise.

Tails pointed to a pink dot in the distance, "That thing over there, on the horizon."

Fox pulled out a pair of binoculars. "Well what d'ya know? It's a lady."

"Should I get the stick now?"

Fox laughed mirthlessly, "No, no stick just yet, but we do need to help her." He moved as close to the edge as he could. "Now let's see; if I jump out as far as I can, and then use a double jump, I should be able to catch her, and then I'll have to use Fire Fox to rocket back here and grab onto the lowest point of the ship, climbing back up here in pure MacGyver fashion." He took a step back, spit into his hands, and rubbed them together. "Okay here I…"

"Fox?"

"What is it Tails?" Fox turned to Tails in frustration. His face quickly turned to confusion as he found Tails hovering _back _to the ship with the woman in tow.

"I got her." Tails announced triumphantly, floating overhead via his helicopter-like tails.

"But how did you…?"

"I flew."

Fox raised an eyebrow, "Flew?"

"Yup."

"You're saying you're able to fly."

"Uh-huh."

"With your tails?"

"Uh-huh."

"And let me guess: that's how you got the name."

"Yup."

Neither said anything for a while. Then Fox looked at Peach, still being held by the hand and hanging, "Isn't she starting to get heavy there?"

Peach perked up instantly. "What did you say? Hey let me down, now!" She dropped down onto the deck and stomped to a now cringing Fox. "Are you insinuating that I… am _heavy?_"

Fox put his hands in front of him. "No, no, not at all. I didn't say that, I just…well…I said that…"

While Fox babbled on in an attempt to save face (Probably his face) Tails straightened, as though realizing something. He landed, ambled over to Fox's side, and pulled repeatedly on his sleeve. "Mr. Fox…Mr. Fox…Mr. Fox…Mr.…"

Fox whirled on Tails. "What is it this time?!?"

Tails inclined his head. "If Falco's not here and you're on deck with me, who's flying the ship?"

Fox sighed, "It's on autopilot right now."

"Oh." Tails looked to the horizon, and then looked back. "Mr. Fox?"

"Oh, what now?!?"

"How well would this ship withstand crashing straight into a cliff wall?"

Fox rubbed his temples in exasperation, "A cliff wall? Why in God's name would you ask that type of question?"

Tails pointed past the prow (Or spaceship equivalent) of the spaceship. "'Cause we're heading straight for one right now."

Fox turned his head to gaze upon the sheer wall of rock fast approaching. "Why me?"


	20. 20th Chapter Spectacular!

Hi, this is the author. I am here today to give a big thank you to the Fan Fiction community. This story has now, if you haven't noticed, reached its twentieth chapter, making it my longest running story, with a now discontinued Final Fantasy fic coming in second with only ten chapters. It is also the only one that has broken 10, even 20, reviews, and has over two-thousand hits.

While it is not smiled upon to take aside chapters to, as the web-comics say, "Break down the third wall," I feel as though I should take the time to thank you all for your support, and for laughing along with my odd sense of humor. So, in celebration of that, I have made a cake. Enjoy!

_MewTwo (In background): You have _got _to be kidding me!_

What? What's wrong?

_MewTwo: You made a cake? For a bunch of people you never met? And you somehow expect to give it to a bunch of nameless, faceless fan-boys and girls via the Internet… through a monitor?_

I… you know, it sounds so obvious when you put it out like that. Okay… so we need a plan B… how 'bout we write them a song?

_They wouldn't hear it. It'd just end up as a fancy poem._

Okay… throw 'em a party?

_A combination of the two problems; they couldn't eat anything, and they'd dance to non-existent music._

Fair enough… a one-act play detailing our escapades in the world of pointless comedy and making an effort to point out the reviewing styles of some of our regular goers?

_That'd work… just as long as I don't get cast as the tree again._

Right! So we here at the one-man Little Bit of Light Comedy Company would like to thank your patronage with a special play that we like to call… um… ah heck with it! It's got no title! Just enjoy!

A spotlight shines on the stage and from the side, Mr. Game and Watch makes his first appearance. He jerkily walks to center stage and squints to read a card from far in the back row.

"I…am the author, and I have a… Sim-plee? Simple! I have a simple dream; to write…a fan…fic and make the… world laugh."

A computer rolls next to Mr. Game and Watch, and begins to chuckle evilly.

"I…am the evil Word pro…gram." The voice of Fox could be heard slowly reading the cards, "I am… going to say that… that you made a… spelling mistake… every time you say 'Falco'." He made a half-hearted attempt at evil laughter.

Mr. Game and watched laughed triumphantly, "I… do not care. I… will still…write, even though some… words are spelled really wired."

The computer turned to Mr. Game and Watch and whispered, "That word is 'weird', not 'wired'."

"Oh! Right; even though the words are spelled really weird."

Mr. Game and Watch pressed a button on the computer; Fox stifled a giggle. Suddenly Marth leaped onto the stage holding a skull.

"Forsooth!" he yelled, "Had mine eyes ever laid upon a more eloquent tale, I would certainly thought mine self deceased and on my way to what man has pondered to be the great Nether!"

Silence. I (Being the narrator, and having this power,) called from up above. "Stick to the script there, Marth. None of that Shakespeare stuff for now."

Marth huffed, "Distasteful gaggle of philistines! 'Hi, I'm Hoogiman, your first reviewer, and I think your story is really good. You should write more.'"

Mr. Game and Watch beamed. "Thank you for… saying such… nice things… about my work. I am… now mo…mo, (What's that word?) motivated…to write more funny things about… funny people…"

The curtain falls, and when it rises again we can see Falco, Peach, and Zelda center stage, all of their gazes fixed to the back rows, much like the last group.

"That Tale-Forge fellow…knows…how to write… a good story," Falco remarked.

Zelda nodded. "That Tale… (Oops, wrong card…) Yeah, he can… say some pretty funny stuff… as usual."

"He writes stories!" Peach exclaimed. The other two exchanged glances. "It has people in it, I laugh out loud!"

Mr. Game and Watch reappeared and shook all three fan's hands. "I want… to personally thank… you for being particular…ler-ly vocal with your support." (Those people I'm thanking, you know who you are. Thank you!) "You have…been a big en…in… 'encougarment' to me!"

Zelda leaned over to whisper in Mr. Game and Watch's ear, and he in turn blurted out "Encouragement! A big encouragement!"

Meanwhile down in the seats, the black silhouette of an old lady nudged the silhouette of an old man. "You see that, Game? Our little boy is the star of the play!"

The old man shook his head, each swing eliciting a soft _tink!_ "His first appearance since this silly story began, and he's starrin' in a silly play that looks like its bein' done by a bunch o' first graders."

The lady huffed. "Now that's not very supportive."

"Supportive o' what, Watch?" Game retorted. "Our boy has seniority; why's it that th' author can jus' forget 'bout 'im, then think he can make it better by makin' 'im star in one a 'is hare-brained productions?"

Watch put her hands on her hips, with the accompanying _tink! _"Even so, you should be happy he got a part at all; those fan-persons have been known to do really bad things to canon characters that they don't like." She looked back at the stage, "Now, see? I just missed a good part of the play while you've been jawing."

"I've been jawin'?!?"

Back on stage, the four seemed out of breath. Falco was the first to speak. "Wow, I can't… believe we just… had to defeat… the ninjas and save the world!"

MewTwo lay sprawled on the stage floor in a ninja suit. "'Don't cast me as the tree' I said. 'The ninja will be better' I said…"

Mr. Game and Watch turned to face the audience. "Now that I have… defeated the ninjas, I… will go on to… write more funny…things, and stuff. Now I…"

Suddenly Bowser leapt onto the stage, sporting a black cape and mask, and grabbed Zelda. "The Phantom of the Elementary School Play strikes!" he cried, and then he leapt off, laughing maniacally.

Link walked on stage looking up where Bowser took off. "Zel got kidnapped again?" Navi asked for him.

"Yep," came Peach's reply.

Fox, still in his computer outfit, wheeled on stage. "Zelda's been kidnapped? Quick, we have to save her! There's no time to…" He would have finished his statement, but his wheels got caught. Shouting all the way down, Fox flopped to the floor, where he made a sublime effort to right himself.

"You know…" he said at length, "You guys go on ahead, I'll catch up."

MewTwo still grumbled from the floor. "This always happens when you get a bunch of crack-pots in a room to entertain the masses. Someone drop the curtain. No, not on me! Oof!"


	21. MewTwo's Tail Tale 3: Interview: Navi

MewTwo glided silently through the ruins when he happened upon the two struggling forms leaping, slashing, and punching their way across the battlefield. Navi the fairy slowly alighted on the Pokemon's shoulder.

"How long have they been at it?" MewTwo asked.

"Since Chapter one, my friend... since Chapter one." Navi answered, sighing in exasperation.

"They've been fighting for twenty chapters without stopping?"

"I didn't say that." Once Navi finished saying this, both combatants stopped fighting and plopped on the ground at the same time, gasping and sweating. Mario pulled out a mushroom that had a face on it, tore it in half, and offered one to Link, who accepted it graciously.

"The red guy seems to have an endless supply of those things. It's just bizarre." Navi remarked.

"This coming from the fairy who works for the guy who habitually collects sticks, bombs, and the hearts of monsters?" MewTwo replied.

"Touché." Suddenly both Mario and Link sprung up into the air, growing rapidly until they both towered over MewTwo and Navi. MewTwo shrieked and leapt behind a rock so fast that Navi slipped off of his shoulder and went falling into a puddle. She looked down at the water and shot MewTwo and accusing glance. "You'd better have spilled a water bottle here or something!"

MewTwo looked at the puddle he left, and then looked at the bottle in his hand, now pointing downwards and pouring out onto the ground. "Hmm," he mused, "I don't even remember having this with me." He looked up to the giant Mario and Link just as they traded blows, and then they were normal size again. "Eh?"

Navi shook herself off. "Apparently it wears off when they even touch an enemy with anything but the bottom of their feet."

"I see." MewTwo pulled himself out of his hiding place and gingerly picked the fairy up out of the water. "I'd love to talk more about weird fungi with faces, but I have something more important to talk to you about. Take a look." He slowly brought his hand, with Navi on it, to show her his missing tail.

Navi misunderstood the situation. "Yes, indeed. You _do _have a cute butt."

"That's not what I'm trying to bring to your attention," he replied with a hint of annoyance, and then he smiled, "Thank you though. My tail is missing; do you know where I could find it."

Navi fluttered her wings and flew around to MewTwo's face. "Now that you mention it, I think I saw Samus with something that looked like your tail."

"Thank you. You are no longer useful to me." The Pokemon raised his hand and snared the fairy with psychic energy. With an imperious flick, he sent the fairy flying away towards a ruined wall. "Nya hahahahahaha!"

Navi hit the wall with an almost inaudible _Tink _and plopped to floor. "Hey!" She was up instantly and zipped up until she was a centimeter from MewTwo's face. "What's the big idea?!?"

MewTwo shrugged. "Sorry. Force of habit. Lest you all forget, I'm supposed to be evil."

**Meanwhile.**

_This summer…_

Tails pulled himself from the wreckage of the Arwing. "Is everybody all right?"

"That depends…" Fox grumbled, "…Is it normal to have you back bent at an angle that you get a face-full of your own tail?"

…_one movie…_

Peach slowly glided down to the ground, as it took her thirty minutes to fall after the other two hit the ground. "Does anyone else hear that?" she asked.

"Hear what, lady?" Fox angled an ear.

…_will change your perception of normality._

"That!" Peach exclaimed. "It sounds like someone's up there."

"Uh guys?" Fox called, "I'm still buried here. Kinda need help? Anyone?"

_One man…_

Tails went to work digging out Fox. Peach kept an ear up as she listened to the man talking. "What man? What are you talking about?"

…_will challenge everything you know._

"Why? What's he gonna do? What?!?"

"You know…" Fox said from under the scrap metal, "…as I lie here, face first in the dirt and reeling from excruciating pain, I can't help but feel I've been on this rock before."

_This summer, you will learn that even the smallest person could make the biggest difference._

"Enough with the clichéd movie announcer man lines!" Peach yelled, "Get on with it now!"

Tails pulled away a metal slab, revealing Fox's face, and looked down at the path winding down. "Look, there's someone there."

The figure on the path called out. "May your fig pies be runny!"

"Oh no," Fox groaned.

_Prepare yourself… for the least anticipated sequel in the history of FanFic based fake movies. This summer, Ness stars in…_

**Ness: The Magical Wizard Who Says Odd Things 2**

_Randomness' Revenge!_

_Rated SS for Slightly Silly._


End file.
